Alright, so the story I am working on is going pretty good for a first draft. I have the first couple chapters done and I'm still chuggin' along! So just to give you guys a taste of what I am writing here is the 1st Chapter and the beginning paragraph of the 2nd Chapter. Please be graceful, as this is the first draft and a lot of this stuff is subject to change when I finally get to the editing part of my story, (yay :( (extreme sarcasm here :D ) which won't happen until I finish the first draft (obviously :D).
Please leave comments on things you like, suggestions that you have, or anything you'd like to add. This will help me a lot.
Thanks, and I hope you enjoy =)
Chapter 1
It was as if time had
begun to slow down. I watched as seven
cloaked figures charged onto the docks, all unsheathing their swords with a
metal screech. As they got closer, my best
friend Perseus shouted slowly as though it were a blur, “Black Hand!” Perseus and my other friend Randle unsheathed
their swords, which glistened in the midday sun.
As I unsheathed my sword,
I saw the Black Hand’s leader – Yarmik.
He charged me with his blade blindingly reflecting the sun’s light in to
my eyes. I unsheathed my sword and
deflected a blow from Yarmik’s sword. As
we fought, swinging and slashing about, every move I made seemed to make the
world go even slower. Everything looked drunkenly
blurred as I continued defending myself from Yarmik’s attacks, making our
swords clang and crash into each other.
But Yarmik had the better
hand, and he swung hard, knocking my blade out of my hand. Yarmik then swung back at me, and his sword
made contact with my left cheek, making its way up to my left eye brow. Slowly, I felt a stinging sensation ripple
across the left side of my face. Pain
flared all over the new wound, that began to trickle with blood. I fell to my knees gripping my face, blood covering
my hand.
Then I felt a swift kick
to my stomach and I fell backwards. I
looked up and saw Yarmik standing over me, his scared face bearing over
me. He prepared to bring down his sword upon
me, when Randle jumped in front of me, taking a hit to his right arm.
I watched as Randle
attempted to fight off Yarmik. I tried
to get up, to grab my sword, but I couldn’t move. No matter how hard I tried to move, I couldn’t
budge. Then my worst fears began to
become true.
I watched helplessly,
still struggling to move, screaming for help, as Yarmik locked his sword with
Randle. The world around me flashed red
and black as Yarmik took out one of his small blades, and stabbed Randle in the
abdomen. I yelled as loud as I could, as
Randle fell onto the docks bleeding out.
I struggled harder, but I couldn’t move.
I couldn’t make sense of it.
Then Yarmik turned to me
again, his blade pointed down to me. He
began to plunge it forward when an arrow ripped through Yarmik’s right arm. Yarmik roared in anger, turning around to
meet his attacker.
I watched as Perseus
fired another arrow, which hit Yarmik in the chest. Yarmik took out one of his small blades and
hurled it at Perseus. It hit Perseus’
hand, making him lose his grip on his bow.
Perseus dropped the bow,
and unsheathed his sword, engaging Yarmik, who had pulled the arrows out of him. With each clash of the sword, the world
flashed red and black, like lightning. I
still struggled to move, and time seemed to become slower with each passing
second.
Perseus was my best
friend; I had already lost one of my friends.
I would not lose another!
I struggled with all my
might to raise myself up, saying over and over in my head, “Not Perseus! Not Perseus!”
I watched in horror as
Yarmik caught Perseus off guard, and kicked him in the leg; knocking him off
balance. Yarmik then pushed Perseus
back, causing him to fall onto the pier.
Yarmik then easily delivered a killing blow to Perseus’ heart, ending
the fight instantly.
The world around me
turned black as night, with only the area around me glowing in light, as I
screamed, “No,” for what seemed like forever.
Finally, I was able to stand and grab my sword, but Yarmik was
gone. All that was left were the corpses
of my closest friends.
I bent over in tears, as
I kneeled before the dead bodies of Perseus and Randle. Everywhere I looked for help, all I saw was
darkness, except for the area around my body.
I looked into Perseus’ lifeless eyes; my oldest, most beloved friend I
had was gone forever, and I failed him. I
had failed them both; I wasn’t strong enough.
I failed…
Then I heard a dark and
evil laugh come from behind me. I
swiftly stood up, gripping my sword and pointing it into the direction of the
approaching humanoid. From the darkness
appeared a fiery red light. An older
man, wearing robes as black as the darkness around us, approached me with a
menacing smile on his face. It was
Yurid, King of Abatral.
Yurid approached me and
darkly whispered, “If you continue to fight, their fate will be death; just
like yours!”
I raised my sword in
defense, but felt a blade enter through my back and exit through the front of
my stomach. I looked down and saw it, drenched in blood. I started breathing hard, and could feel the
metal blade slowly and sickly yank back outside of my body, felling my flesh
move around inside my body along with the blade. I fell to my knees, feeling the life leave my
body.
As I lay there dying, at
the very end, I came to the conclusion that it was not death that I feared; for
death catches up to everyone eventually.
No, what I truly feared was the death of my friends; those who were
closest to me. To lose them, would be to
lose my whole world.
I closed my eyes, not
willing to fight anymore; still not believing that I had failed my
friends. I had killed them…
Chapter 2
My eyes tore open and I
gasped for air. I could feel a mix of
tears and sweat covering my face. The
nightmare that I had was still fresh in my mind. Suffice to say, that was not what happened at
the docks in Iakko; but it was terrifying nevertheless.
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If you liked this leave me some comments; if you have a critique give me those as well. I'm always open to suggestions. This story is for the reader's and I want it to be enjoyable; so any useful comments/constructive criticism would be appreciated.
Thanks and stay up to date with my Abatral stuff :D
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Picture sources:
Picture 1: http://www.wallpaperup.com/uploads/wallpapers/2013/07/02/112702/c2734f0b9d20a5a62e83ea2c8a9d458e.jpg
Picture 2: http://www.fondos7.net/wallpaper-original/wallpapers/atracci-n-interestelar-10752.jpg
and By Christopher Gagnon
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